Boredom has been my loyal companion today, since it never failed to leave my side. Such loyalty (= unlike some people these days. Gahh. Picture an old lady, wearing a grey hairnet, who's sitting on an old, dusty armchair, with an empty gin bottle in her left hand, and a tv remote in the other. She's clicking silently and slowly away, with her head facing a broken television set that is just 2 metres away from her scowling, grumpy, mouth-slightly-opened face. Very sad and lame, isn't it? That scenario's essence is exactly the essence of today. Pure sadness and lameness, embraced with the all-trusty boredom and loneliness. And I thought today would turn out uber fun... ;D i thought wrongly.
Fidseyy Wife had her Open House, today. T_T oh how i desperately wanted to come and see her, friends, raid her place and devour her amazing cooking. Those wants are just dreams left to rot as dreams, and dreams only. It will only happen when I have transport, when I've got my driving license, or when life is fair.Gaha. nyeh. Fids, please forgive me for not being able to come. =s Also, Rahmah had her open house today, and Cahya, Wani Amirul and some other people were convoying and having Raya time visiting friends! They're having so much friend time, while I'm stuck at home, with this PC as my only source of entertainment (the tv, ps2, mp4, psp, mobile phone were being so boring at this time of boredom...) I feel cornered by loneliness. The feeling that an invisible barrier around me, repelling me from my friends, is increasing, day by day. It's as if that barrier is growing thicker and more powerful. Shiet, you barrier. *throws a chair at it* please go away...please let me go. let me go. i want my life. i want my friends. i miss them. i need them. i want happiness. why won't you go away and let me be happy?
Hmm, guilt sprouts within everyone. Ohoho. The guilt feeling ey? I don't think that part of me is dominant right now, what with this anger and boredom combined together to form mushed up crap that's just raging inside. Grr. I am not happy. I loathe this chair. Let me throw it. No. Let me throw it against that window. No. Let me throw it at someone. I won't pity that someone who gets the chair x) oh booo me. Okay, maybe i will. NYEH. I'm just too nice, aren't i? Hating and loathing, and yet, I still have time to be nice. =') I feel weak. I've just been letting my feelings and wrongs push me around like a little ant. I've been keeping everything jumbled up inside me. Afraid of letting it all out. Afraid to really feel. Gahd. I'm weak. Nazz, a weakling. BOO You're WEAK Nazz. You have no life. You're naive and you suck.
Reality has its ups and downs. This must be the basement of its downs. Hello basement. I am Nazz. Don't mind these tears, they're not even tears, they're imaginary. Because, sadly i can't cry right now. Nyeh. Stupidity and beyond. Well, this pain will seep deeper inside soon. By that time, the healing process would commence and it would seem like nothing had happened, and life would seem jolly normal, eventhough in reality, it isn't. Normality is a rare quality that people mistake for being dominant all the time. An 'ordinary' or 'normal' day is never ordinary nor normal. People would refer this normality to those seldom and moderately functioning days, where everything would just flow by with no sense of feeling, or perhaps there is but hardly anything interesting had happened. That isn't normal. That isn't ordinary. I'd say... it's unusual. =) Normality has many different definitions, some which are contradicting towards each other. Reality is never normal. Although, let's just assume it is, to make life easier...
No ampaus for today. And no old faces to meet. No new faces to meet. The visitor's who came were handled by mom and my sister's while i tried to study Statistics and also thought too much.
Oh, baka-ness. =) its 5 minutes before 2am. i'm not even tired yet. my lungs seem to be tired. of what??? Bohhh, hahah that is scary considering the fact that i had not talked much today, let alone yell. Noh. No yelling too. Except, perhaps "apa?? Orang datangkah??"
ah, bugger. I'll end this post here..
0 comments:
Post a Comment