It's life, deal with it.

Why do i always feel like I'm always gonna get into trouble? Why me? Because I'm the eldest? I'm the role model? Gahhdddd.. It's like, the whole family's pressure is pressing onto me. Like I'm carrying the weight of THE WORLD on my shoulders. Chores, Siblings, Parents, SCHOOL, bla bla bla bla bla. It's like I CAN'T do any mistakes. ITS LIKE: I HAVE to be PERFECT. I HAVE to do everything the RIGHT way. Is there even THE right way? no. I doubt it. The BETTER way/ The BEST way. yes. There is such thing. But honestly, I feel like I'm the victim in this... clan.

Oh and days ago, Zaty and some other peeps (the cool people 8D) played truth and dare and a lot of secrets leaked out, and things beagn to get sizzling and tense between people's relationship/friendship. and yeah, the Zaty issue. =/ I knew she should have told her earlier, I told her to do so. I told her to tell her MONTHS AGO. I told her to tell her since May. I kept telling her to tell, but, she didnt want to. She wanted to wait for the right time. I guess.. I knew this was gonna happen. We knew. But due to the fact that we had thought that she had gotten over him... I guess she thought it wouldnt hurt when she told her. She was wrong. I knew this was gonna happen. I tried to cheer Zym up (: I tried to make her smile and act gay with her. I'm not sure it worked. I dont think it worked. All because of that PrettyBoy. All this is because of him. Well, it's not his fault pulang. He's clueless about this. And he's born pretty anywways. But yea, I feel reaallly bad. I knew about this. ALL OF THIS. and I had to keep shut cause I had nothin to do with this issue. nyehh. I feel helpless and stupid. I feel unwanted, unneeded, useless. Some bestfriend, I am. I'm sorry Zaty and Zymah. I tried to help Zaty out. She felt bad for making her upset. She felt alright she told her everything udah, but now shes got the pain of hurting her besfriend. and thats just... man.. And I'm their Bestfriend here, and what the fuck am I doing? TRYING to help. yet I get the feeling that I'm failing to do so. bloody hell. I dont even think they notice that I'm trying to help. heh. well THATS JUST A MEGA BONUS FOR ME. Its like unrequired help. Honestly, I suck.

hahah. Funny, I thought she was my bestfriend. well, she is. SHE IS. but, I dunno.. from what I've read and heard I feel like, to her, I'm just her lesbo friend. HAHA I'm no lesbo. We act gay. But we're not (: But yeaaa. I guess I don't really mean that much to her. So that makes me the "common friend" who is her gay partner.. haha.. Now I feel very small, eventhough I'm the tallest among my friends. I mean, I've been doing nice things, I have. I've given people hugs, smile, talk, act crazy and gay with them, and do they even notice? Do my friends even notice? Do my bestfriends even notice? Does she even notice? No I dont think so. OH OH, I MIGHT be MISUNDERSTANDING the whole situation, but yea, where's my thanks? Where's my expression of gratitude? wheres my gay thanks? wheres my friendfriend bonding? I feel bad.. hahahaa. I know its like, no BIGGY, but really, when I've done some things that comes from the heart, MY heart to be exact, it just hurts when It's left unthanked, unreplied, unappreciated. Macam my deed or my "nice thing" yang aku buat atu some typical chewing gum stuck on the fucking floor saja. Macam what I do from the heart atu some bloody lalat. Lalat melintas kana ampas and lari masuk sampah yang mihir and barigali yang inda kana ingau. Cibai. T__T She's my Besfriend. She's my Sexyyyy. But does she consider me her bestfriend? Honestly, My bestfriends bukan orang ROXIOUS sajaaa. Duhh. But yea, what am I to her? =/

Maths Paper 1. on Wednesday. 2 days from now. MatiFuckShitBloodyhellKillmeNowIwannadieOhHELLBaiesialKANMATEYCbaiKusooooKutabarewtfwtfwtf. Its maths paper one people. PURE maths. pure maths is SUPER UBER challenging. Revision nya pun stressing. I will get a credit for maths in AS LEVEL. I will get a credit. I WILL. I WILL. AMINNNNNNN~~~~

Everyone has got their own Teddy. Whats a Teddy? Something to hug. From what I mean, a Teddy is someone we can hug, love, care for, like berabis berabis and that Teddy feels or reacts to us the same way back. =) No, I'm not talking about the normal Teddy Bear. I'm talking about people's special PERSON. Everyone has one. well, some already have one, while othrs alum. And I'm one of the "OTHER PEOPLE" =D kyahoo~ kyahoo~ I'm not complaining. This life I'm going through is awesome. And getting crushes and admires while simultaneously I'm liking someone and crushing on another someone is really tiring HAHAHA.

I like someone a LOT, and he's this type who doesnt really "feel".. macam emotionless. HAHA baie. and I'm stuck falling for him, while he watches me melt? this is bullshit. oh WOW. I'm swearing whilst talking about the person I SUPER LIKE (thats its almost like I'm falling in love with him BUT I'M NOT.) Whateverr. Well, the question is, DO I really want to make things happen with him? HAHA RIGHT~ I'm trying to make things happen now anyways. Inda jua ada apa apa HAPPEN. Yayy..

Oh starlight, star bright, I wish I may I wish I might... Grant me this wish I make tonight. I wish..... I wishh.... I wish.... I wish I know WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING AND WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO. I'm clueless. This guy isnt even doing anything.. he is.. I think, but nahhh, no spark (: I've got more sparks going on with the guy I'm "just" crushing on rather than him, and HIM ani is the guy I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE. very complicated, isnt it? =)