It's life, deal with it.

I love them, a lot. You wouldn't know how much I love these 3 people. You wouldn't know how much I've cried before I sleep, just reminiscing my past with them. None of you know how I'd yell in my pillow when the agony that throbs in my heart is once again triggered at the sight of their happy faces, when I'm not even with them. Childish, you may think? Think again.

These 3 people are 3 girls who I've spent the last two years of my secondary school life with, most of that time. The Roxious clan have even noticed how tight I was, with them back then. Every time the bell rings 12.30pm, I'd rush to their presence at the school canteen at Smpaphm. Yes, I was a student at Smpaphm before, and yes, I still had Ugama Lessons in form 4 and 5 because I had lived in Scotland till form 1 and there's no Ugama School in Scotland, okay?

So who are these 3 people, you may question? 

I guess you could say that we've all moved to our separate ways... It sucks just reading that phrase. Stupid phrase, why don't you just burn into flames? I hate the fact that we rarely contact each other anymore. Apa ni, ada saja contacts on MSN, tapi jarang kami betagur. I don't blame them. Maybe it's just me. =( 

Maybe they have a thing against me now, cause I'm in form 6, and I have this bla bla bla life. =_= Maybe they think I'm too busy for them.. PFTT =(

I'm not too busy for you guys. I'm always busy nowadays, yes, but I'd give time for you guys. I love you guys, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you guys, on purpose, honestly. I'm not perfect. I don't care shit about me being slightly young and already in form 6, do you think I can handle all of this fucked up stuff going on around me? Do you think I want to deal with all this bloody pressure? I don't even have time for friendster and facebook anymore! =_= 

Sometimes, I hate it when people assume that I'm too busy for them. Some people say these kinda things behind my back. Some people say bad stuff behind my back. They assume the worst. It's friggin stupid ya know? I love these 3 people, the heck would I hurt them on purpose by being a snobby git? 

In Amal's case, there is no doubt that I miss her a lot. We'd chat sometimes, but sorry Mal, kau slalu away, and aku status ku busy. I don't notice people pop online, and I assume you're away chatting with other people or doing homework. Sometimes, when I do say hye to you, it's already late and you'd have to go, or go take a shower, pasal kau alum mandi. -___-" I still love you, Ji. *kirai* Hahaha. I miss sleeping over at your place. The crazy stuff we'd do in the middle of the night. The lameness of fooling around in your kitchen, eating at 2am, and finally sleeping at 4am. Waking up in the morning with baggy eyes and drowsiness. Classic... I miss you brabis MalzZzZ =( Kaulah wanita jelita yang selalu membuat aku ketawa apabila aku sedih atau kecewa. HAHAH MALAY KU LAWA MALZZ. HAHAHAHA. *scratches head* I know.. wrong sentence structure D: You always make me smile.. even though I don't show it. I frown when you frown, because kami dua dua inda mau kalah. EYAAA!! 

Now Faezah. Things aren't the same anymore, huh? At least they are when we chat or talk, or see each other. But, in a way, things can't be the same anymore... every thing's changed. We're still us, when together; we're still the BABS we were; nothing can compare to us when we had group chats... You'd ask me to tell stories of my current life, explain and describe anything juicy going on in my life, the latest gist, and I'd do the same. You never knew how ecstatic I'd get when I chat with you. How the lame jokes we share make me laugh so hard, tears come streaming down my eyes. yes, they can be lame jokes sometimes. Even Amal has those hilariously lame jokes, and I'd laugh like crazy. @__@ You guys always know how to cheer me up. Well, I guess you do, cause you guys always cheer me up without having to try. =) 

Ika... the bright little person I had once known, now tall, athletic and yes, still highly competitive. She's feisty D: Yeah, I remember her back then when she was so into english and admiring some of the work I did, and I'd be like "eh? -___-" it's just my english homework" and I remember when we'd eat at the canteen together with Amal and Fae, and gossip about the latest school secrets. Mee teow basah seafood was a trend back then. I miss Ika. We'd argue a lot and we'd debate a lot. It was always me and her, discussing Harry Potter, or english grammar, or how easy a comprehension question is. Amal and Fae would be the ones going "bah bah, kamu adang.. baik adang oi!!!" Other times, it'd be Amal and me arguing, and Zul would just go "whatever" or... she'd actually back me up, while Fae is the one going "ehh kamu, jangan argue wahhh!!" Fae was always the loving one, who got scared when we argued or debated. Goodness knows how loud we were when we talked. 

Ika and Fae were there for me when I had my problems with Amal. Then Amal and fae were there for me when Ika had problems with me. Then I was there for Fae and Ika when they had problems with Amal. Then I was there when Amal and Ika had problems with Fae. In short, we were there for each other when problems arose. 

Ika rarely goes online anymore. I miss her. =( We hardly talk. It's so uncool. And when we do chat, it's like.. we hardly say anything. Ishh..

she has this private blog. Private. heh. I think Amal's the only one who knew how mental I went about the whole privacy thing. It's like, hello? Bestfriend kah aku ani? Or did all those great times together not mean anything anymore? Did I do anything wrong? Triggered a little hate perhaps? I don't feel trusted.. Righttttttttttt. Whatever.

I guess people do go to their separate paths, some even quicker than others. But I never knew that bestfriends could fade away just because of a small conflict. A small TINY conflict that I had never known or noticed, because apparently, it was hidden within her. And I was not informed of this? I mean, What exactly did I do to make you annoyed? Oh wait, was I not treating you well the last time I saw you? Did I seem too busy with other people that time, that you got annoyed that I wasn't able to cast my all attention to you? I'm sorry, but I'm not Wonderwoman. I miss you a lot, but I can't exactly talk to you while I was talking to 3 other people that time. Or is it the friends I have now? The friends I'm still in good terms with? Does that annoy you? You can't trust me, because you somehow dislike some of the people I'm bestfriends with now? Perhaps you dislike one of them in particular?

Ughhhh. What did I DO!? It kills me to guess what I've done in the past to make us so distant. I hate this, HATE THIS. Do you know how hard it is keeping a straight face when I look at the smiling pictures of you in your world, so happy yappy. I know things aren't what they seem, cause hello? I fake my smiles too, okay? I know you fake yours too. Trust me, we've been through many conversations on being emotional, I know how you react to different situations. Do you know what it feels like having a bestfriend who doesn't even treat you right anymore? Maybe that's just what I think. But all the same, do you know how it feels like, when you're best friend doesn't seem like she's in good terms with you?  If you are reading this, then wow, you know. Here's Nazz, confessing the stuff she's always worried about. Yeh, I ALWAYS think about you guys. It sucks, knowing how distant we've become. It sucks it sucks it sucks!!! 

Life is not fair? Heh...

I miss you, Amal

I miss you, Faezah

I miss you, Ika

And I miss us. =')